Mostly True Musing

Update

2009-11-27T21:56:00.002-06:00

Oh how I have neglected thee. Sorry readers! My life has taken some amazing turns the past few months, so I thought I would update you:

1. I QUIT SCHOOL!!! Oh yeah, I said it. It feels GREAT. PhD??? Who needs it??? I realized that I had lost any and all passion for research or academia. I don't really know if I will ever go back...I am assuming I will after I refocus, but for right now...SWEET GLORIOUS FREEDOM

2. I recently discovered that although I was completely unprepared for the job I ended up with this year, I am unbelievably good at what I do. Furthermore, I love what I do. Get your barf bag ready cause I'm going to say it: I have found my calling. Being paid to be an artist is pretty much the raddest thing ever.

3. I got a pit bull puppy! Her name is Pickles. She snores. I adore her.

4. For some reason my best friend will always be 19 to me. We are both in our 30's now, but she will forever remain that clumsy, hilarious, awkward, fluffernutter from years ago...This is why I love her. Why is this important? Because she has offered me the most permanence in my entire life. This realization was a shock, however it makes the future seem much more clear.

5. I broke my wrist in two places after falling down some stairs. After wearing a cast for two and half months it was removed, leaving me with a smelly arm that was half the size it used to be. Just as I was beginning to regain strength in my arm...I got swine flu. Swine flu used to be funny, hilarious in fact, until it made me wish for a swift death. Swine flu is no joke. It sucks balls big time. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

6. I returned to my old hermit ways and it is FANTASTIC. Being social does not suit me and only spawns poor behavior and bad habits.

7. I still smoke. Get over it.

8. I lost over 35 pounds and I am down 4 pants sizes. As someone who has faithfully bought her jeans at Lane Bryant for over 12 years, I can proudly say that their jeans no longer fit me properly. This still hasn't fully set in my mind. The fact that I have to go to crap holes such as Gap and American Eagle to buy jeans now is slightly annoying. Also, the weight loss shrunk my boobs significantly. I'm not complaining about this, but going from a men's (I only really were men's shirts) extra large to a men's medium or small feels weird. There are times when my new body feels slightly foreign to me. But all in all, I must admit, it feels pretty damn good to have people take notice of my new body. The strangest part of it all...I didn't try to lose all this weight, it just sort of happened...and continues to happen. So odd. But after being assured that there is nothing wrong with me, I have stopped questioning it and am just allowing myself to enjoy it.

9. This my friends is the most important update. For the past 2 months I have been sleeping on average 7 hours a night. Anyone who know me know that I have been an insomniac since I was a preteen. Now I sleep like a regular person..I even nap sometimes. This process did not happen naturally. I had to set a curfew for myself for the Internet, had to set a very strict evening schedule and had to teach my brain that between 10pm and 5am it has to sleep. I still struggle... I can't tell you how often I wake up at 3am convinced that it is time to get up and start my day, but this happens more and more less frequently. I am ashamed to say that I still sleep in my clothes more often than I sleep in my pajamas...fail.

10. I am going to attempt to blog at least once a week. I work 45-60 hours a week so this will be difficult. But I must admit, I have missed you dearly. I'm not making any promises, but I will try to get back in the swing of this.

Anyway, I hope everyone had a wonderful Turkey Day!

See you soon,

Jem

Weekly Mixtape

2009-09-01T21:44:00.002-05:00

I know its been awhile since I have posted a mixtape, but I do believe this one will make up for it. I went to an awesome show last night and saw (and met!) Cars Can Be Blue and The Lovely Eggs. Also, I'm in love with Ladytron. Here is a little sampler of all three. Enjoy!

The Lovely Eggs:

Cars Can Be Blue:

Ladytron:

Back and Ready to Blog!

2009-08-30T20:08:00.004-05:00

I'm back! Oh what a difference a month makes. There is so much I would like to tell you all but instead I will sum it up and make it short and sweet: I am so damn happy right now its disgusting. I am like a walk
ing Lisa Frank sticker.
Anyway, I'm not going to bore you with the details, I'm just going to jump right back in to the musing.

1. Enjoy these songs. They will make you feel amazing in your ear parts:

2. This video is radtastic in soooo many ways, but I chose to focus on the last 3 seconds (cat+mittens+table+fall= queer laughing until she pees). Observe:

3. I want one of these

Thats all I have for ya tonight friends. Talk to you tomorrow!

one month

2009-07-29T01:25:00.002-05:00

Hey guys,
So I am going to have to take a one month hiatus from the good old blog. I am SWAMPED with work and school and will be traveling for the better part of August. I am also focusing on my zine and music a bit more as they are a better creative outlet for me right now. I may have a couple of posts here and there and I am trying to line up some guest bloggers for you. Sorry, I know a lot of you have just started reading regularly, but life has sucked the blogger out of me. Have a great rest of the summer! See you in September!
MostlyTrueJem

oops

2009-07-22T00:05:00.002-05:00

Sorry guys. I am taking a very brief blog hiatus. I will be back and posting everyday next week.
Until then, enjoy Peaches' crotch:

awesome interview with Jamie Babbit

2009-07-20T14:34:00.003-05:00

So if you are a lesbian between 21 and 35, then you have more than likely seen a Jamie Babbit movie. Jamie Babbit= But I'm a Cheerleader and Itty Bitty Titty Committee, two of my favorite movies of all time. Babbit was interviewed yesterday and the interview will make you respect her even more than I am sure you already do. Any female director that uses and ENTIRELY female crew to film her movies is amazing to me. Anyway, enjoy the interview.

More Lesbian Entertainment & Video

Weekly Mixtape: Radtastic Female Vocals

2009-07-15T16:33:00.003-05:00

This week's mixtape features songs with AWESOME female vocals. I must admit that I personally favor songs with female vocals. What about you?

Anyway, enjoy this woman-rific mix!

1. Astronaut- Amanda Palmer

2. Margie-Heathers

3. Consequence of Sounds- Regina Spektor

4. You did it!- You Say Party! We Say Die!

5. Kiss With A Fist- Florence And The Machine

6. Won’t Say Anything- Hello Seahorse!

7. Psychic City- YATCHT

8. Dance Dance Dance-Lykki Li

9. Cacophony- Tilly and the Wall (there are male vocals too, I kinda cheated on this one)

10. Dirty Girls- Courtney Love (Say what you will about Courtney Love, but I will always remain loyal)

11. Ladybug Superfly- Slant 6

12. Jerusalem- Mirah

13. House Jam- Gang Gang Dance

Confession...

2009-07-13T23:44:00.004-05:00

*I recently realized that I am mediocre at most of my talents, however, I am an incredible songwriter.

*It took me a longtime to admit that I am a talented songwriter.

*It made me feel self-impressed.

*I hate self-impressed people.

*If I've ever loved you (romantically or otherwise), I've written a song about you and you have never heard it.

*Chances are, you never will.

*I write songs about people, give them to real musicians, and then walk away.

*The last song I wrote about someone got played on the radio. She never heard it and never will.

*I'm OK with that.

whooping cough

2009-07-13T23:42:00.001-05:00

It makes you feel like this.

Yikes

2009-07-10T23:58:00.001-05:00

Turn the Table on the Felines

2009-07-10T23:19:00.002-05:00

If you own a cat, then you know what it is like to be ignored by the little bastard. Cats have made us humans their bitches. We clean their poo, feed them, buy them toys and love them, and what do we get in return??? A whole lot of indifference to our very existence. However, you can turn the table on your kitty. How, you ask? Ignore the little fucker. It will be begging you for attention in minutes.
Observe:

The 10 Step Program to Ending Amorous Feelings Addiction

2009-07-09T12:32:00.006-05:00

It's kind of like alcoholics anonymous, but for those addicted to amorous feelings...

Step One: Admit you have a problem
This step is the hardest step. You cannot be successful at this 1o step program until you are ready to admit you have a problem and be honest with yourself about your addiction as well being honest with others.

Step Two: Be willing to change
This step is almost as hard as the first step. Your first instinct is to hold on to you amorous affections. Even when they feel bad, they feel good. But you have to be ready to let the feelings go. A trap that many people fall into is to attempt to replace their feelings for one person with another person. This is a deadly mistake. All you will end up doing is hurting yourself more and hurting your replacement in the process. When you are actually willing to change, you must being willing to give up on the amorous feelings completely. It will hurt. You will go through withdrawal. Your body will shake, you'll sweat, you'll be sick to your stomach, you'll cry, you'll yell, you'll oversleep, you'll under sleep...the list goes on. However, this withdrawal process is not permanent. Withdrawal can take between two weeks to six months to get over (sometimes longer or shorter, results vary from person to person), but they will subside with time. Step two is the longest step, but the good news is that, after step two, it is all downhill.

Step Three: Stop watching movies that make you think of your amorous feelings

You know you do it. You go to your Netflix and fill your queue with movies that remind you of your feelings, or may even briefly make you feel them again. Movies like this or this. These movies make you believe that you will only find one true love, and that you are a complete douche bag for letting your one true love pass you by. This is a lie. You will love many people in your life. Maybe you didn't even love this person, maybe you just severely liked them, but you will also severely like many people in your life. You will date the same person (in the form of different people) over and over again in your life until you chose which one to stick with. This is a fact. Don't fall into the trap of letting movies continue your amorous addiction. Watch movies like this or this instead.

Step Four: Stop listening to music that reminds you of your amorous feelings

This is slightly more difficult than to quit watching movies about love. You get in your car, you put that CD in the CD player and listen to songs like this and this feel that love over and over and over again. STOP. NOW. This will only make you want to go back to and hold on to your amorous feelings. Songs will make you believe that those feelings are salvageable. Either don't listen to music in your car, or listen to shit like this.

Step Five: Stop writing poems, short stories, painting or drawing pictures or writing songs about your amorous feeling/broken heart

Stop being a depressed asshole and move one. Your "art" is only making you sad and other people annoyed with you. Nobody actually likes poetry anyway. Your short stories make you sound like Sylvia Plath and you songs just sound like you're whining. As for your paintings and drawings... it's not modern art, its just scribbles and lines that scream "I am depressed and I don't care who knows it!" Your art is only extending the feelings you are trying to get rid of and making people run when they see you coming. It makes you look like this. Nobody wants to hear or see or read this kind of blatant display of raw emotion and despair. Stop now, while you're ahead and still somewhat respected for your creative side.

Step Six: Be happy with being by yourself

Many people are happy with being with themselves until they form an amorous addiction. This step is easier for these people, because they know how to live life without another person. However, there are some people who have never been happy with being by themselves. These people must learn that they are their own best company, friend and confidant. This step includes, but is not limited to sex. Masturbation is an important part of this process. Part of being happy with being by yourself is being happy with having sex with yourself. The danger in step three is that many people, while happy with being by themselves and sans amorous feelings, seeks out sex with other people. This will inevitably lead to new amorous feelings, no matter how much you may deny that sex creates emotion. You must be willing to depend completely on yourself, for everything that makes you happy. You will make mistakes during this step, but don't let them discourage you. It is only natural. The important part is that you learn from your mistakes. Don't fall into old habits. Pick yourself up, and vow not to repeat the mistake.

Step Seven: Go out in public as a single person...who wants to stay single
Now that you are happy with being by yourself, you are ready to go out in public without patrolling for a new partner. This is important. You are still healing and you don't want to settle for the first thing that comes along. If you don'T, you will have to start the 10 step program all over again, and we don't want that. Go out to bars, make conversation, have fun, and at the end of the evening, go home alone and be happy with it. If you follow this step, you will avoid THE REBOUND, which is a terrible, terrible thing that leaves many people crushed and shattered. THE REBOUND, can disguised itself as something real and meaningful, but don't be fooled. It is only your old amorous feelings coming out of hiding and trying to take control again. Remember, you are out in public to socialize, and have fun, not to find a partner. Practice this sentence: "I am unavailable." Say it to yourself over and over again, practice in front of a mirror, do this until you believe it.

Step Eight: Go on a date, and don't fall in love

Now you are ready to start dating. DATING is the operative word here. You have moved on from you amorous feelings addiction, so you should be able to date without falling instantly in love or have feeling similar to it. Go on a date, maybe make out a bit, and then go on another date with a different person. Do not allow those amorous feeling to surface until you have been dating for a LONG TIME. If you start feeling the amorous seeping through, take a step back and some time off. Dating doesn't=love. Again, keep saying this to yourself until you believe it.

Step Nine: Go ahead and fall in love

OK, now you're ready to reintroduce yourself to the world of love. But be careful. Make sure the other person loves you back. Don't move to quickly. Don't make any life altering decisions until you are sure this is the one. Don't make the love you are feeling be your focus, make THE PERSON your focus. You can do it, I know you can. If you start feeling yourself falling into that old pattern, remember what you had to go through to get to this point. Amorous feelings are a wonderful thing, as long as you are in control of them and they are not in control of you.

Step Ten: Start the Ten Step Program again, because you know you fucked up and let your amorous feelings get the better of you, just like the last time, just like everyone else, because it's natural, and normal, and sucks and hurts, and you do it anyway because you're HUMAN.

'nough said.

Confession: Embarassing...

2009-07-02T12:41:00.002-05:00

I can't tell when the women I sleep with are having an orgasm.
And this movie didn't help:

Dear Johnny

2009-06-30T19:57:00.002-05:00

Check out my friends Ginger and Laura's new song from their new band Dear Johnny. I dig it and I'm sure you will too!

Weekly Mixtape: What I'm Listenin' To Lately

2009-06-30T18:51:00.003-05:00

This week's mixtape is a mishmash of music I've been listening to the past week. Some of it's old, some of it's new, all is pretty rad in my book. Hope you like it!

Confession: An Apology to Myself

2009-06-29T11:16:00.006-05:00

Dear Self,

I am sorry I haven't let you be you for the past 3 months. While I can't make any excuses, I can give you a reason, as shitty as it may be. I let denial be my guide. Your such a feeling person, and I didn't/don't want to feel. Also, you're a thinker, and I didn't/don't want to think. You know how to use words, and I didn't the words to exist. Anyway, I am giving back the reigns. I trust you to fix things.

Love, Me
A song dedicated to no one but myself:

My new band crush: YACHT

2009-06-25T21:38:00.002-05:00

Oh god, I love this band. YACHT in one word is, "rad-tastic-fuckin-awesome."
check em' out:
Waste Of Time-

So Post All 'Em-

We're Always Wasting-

It's for some people, but not for others.

2009-06-25T20:39:00.004-05:00

I went to the city's botanical garden yesterday. I was there to research the history of the botanical garden as a public space and took the guided tour. Much to my surprise I found out the botanical garden was created predominately through slave labor (it has was created before the Civil War). I realized that MOST people in the city don't know that the gardens are the product of slave labor. Why? Because the ONLY information on the slaves that planted and tended the gardens is located on a small section of a wall in the basement of the museum on the garden grounds.

This made me curious, being a public space that's goal is to educate the public, I think they need to have more in depth information about this. So, I asked the tour guide why there wasn't more information about the the garden's history of slavery. The tour guide said that the original owner of the gardens was very "good" to his slaves. This did not answer my question, so I pressed the guide for more information. I asked her why the historians that created the exhibits for the gardens chose to leave this out of much of their information and why, in my opinion, they chose to sugarcoat the fact that slaves built the gardens. This was the tour guide's answer:

"Slavery is much like corporate America, its for some people but not for others."

Really?

Slavery is for some people but not for others? I guess I was under the impression that slavery wasn't for anyone. This statement is like saying rape is for some people, but not for others, or AIDS is for some people, but not for others.

Let's play a little game, it's kind of like MadLibs. Fill in the blank and make it as inappropriate and politically incorrect as possible:

__________________ is for some people, but not for others.
I'll do the first one just to get the ball rolling. Have fun...

Lustron Homes

2009-06-23T18:39:00.003-05:00

Let me start by saying that I have NEVER had the desire to own a home. I am a firm believer in Freakonomics as well other economist's theories that only 50% of the American population should own homes...and I am NOT part of that 50%. However there is a type of home, that if I could, I would buy...TODAY. Lustron homes were built post WWII as a cheap, durable and easy solution to a housing shortage. Lustron homes were prefabricated and made completely out of enamel coated steel (even the ceiling was metal) and you could buy one in the late 1940's and 1950's for less than $10,000. All of the appliances came with the home, along with with distinct characteristics meant to save space, such as pocket doors and built in dining areas. Lustrons came in unique colors like blue, pink, green and yellow. In short, Lustron homes were, and are, fucking rad.

Many Lustron homes still exist; there are 2,000 registered Lustron homes in the U.S. These homes are still in virtually mint condition because they are sooooo durable and easy to care for. Today, a Lustron home is a collectors item. There are two in the city I live in, and I often find myself driving by them just to look. People who own Lustrons today take a lot of pride in their homes. They also have fun with the things you can do with an all metal home, such as sticking magnets to the ceiling and decorating the home true to their 1950's design.

Two words for you: Dream Home.

An open letter

2009-06-23T00:14:00.003-05:00

Dear Fast Walkers,

I hate you. Seriously, is it really fucking necessary to walk so fast that you are running incognito? Also, your ass looks ridiculous when you walk like that. Let's face it, you're not going to get there any more quickly when you walk fast. Don't use the excuse "I have long legs," because everyone can tell that you are putting in effort to walk that damn fast. Just so you know, nobody is impressed at how you are always ten paces ahead of them. I have a feeling that you fast walkers get a hard on making people struggle to keep up with you.

I can only imagine your inner monologue goes as such: "Fuck yeah, look at me, I am way ahead of the group of people I am walking with. I am the shit. I am incredible. The long and massive strokes of my legs prove that I am an evolution champion. I want to make babies with myself and they will walk as fast as cheetahs."

Well, you are mistaken. Slow down and enjoy the scenery and conversation. Trust me, it will reduce your douche baggery by at least 75%.

I'm glad we had this talk, Fast Walkers. I think we both feel better now.

Jem

Do you remember when...

2009-06-19T10:34:00.005-05:00

I watched this video on Popfed Girl this morning and it made my day.

There are two reasons why I love this video:
1. It reminds of of my mid to late teen years when I was submerged in the Riot Grrl movement. My friends and I would hang out in each other's bedrooms and listen to Sleater-Kinney, Le Tigre, The Need, Bikini Kill, Bratmobile and eventually, The Gossip. We rarely talked about boys, or what we were going to wear out, or how so and so was such a Bitch, or...(you get the picture). What we DID talk about was social change and women's rights (although we were young, so we didn't fully understand what those rights should be). We shaved each other's head, smoked pot, drank until we were all giggling on the floor, learned how to play guitar together, flirted with each other, read books, wrote, drew pictures...we formed what would become our likes and dislikes, hobbies, talents, and dreams... what would be our adult selves, together.

I went to a women's college and many of my professors, especially those in the women's studies department, balked at the idea of third-wave feminism because they felt that beyond riding on the coattails of second-wave feminism, the third-wave didn't focus on the "real" issues, didn't understand what true "femininity" was, and focused too much on sexuality (and the freedom there of). However, as a product and supporter of the third-wave I find these criticisms to be ludicrous, yet, I forgo the well formulated argument backed by reference to authors and forward thinkers and copious amounts of statistical data. We've all heard it. When someone challenges third-wave feminism, or feminism at all, I go back to those days in my friends bedrooms, listening to music. In the end, those days of coloring our One Stars with a sharpie while we talked for hours, made me and others like me appreciate women on a level that is virtually unexplainable. When you respect other women, value other women and listen to other women, issues such as gender identity, sexuality, sexual freedom, women's health, any of it, becomes a given or (in some ways) a non issue. When you spend time with other women the way we did when I was a teenager, you don't come to love how women are LIKE you, but rather, how they are NOT LIKE you, how they think differently, feel differently, behave differently. You come to respect the diversity and complexity of women and cherish it. I will never forget the night, when I was 16 years old, when me and my friends Vanessa, Annika, Meredith and Shana stole a full bottle of tequila and a bottle of vodka from someone's dad and then promptly drank both bottles straight from the container. We went to the park and swung on the swings for hours and talked and then we went over to Annika's house and sat in her room...and talked. None of us were alike. Our group of friends was like after a BBQ when you have 5 nearly empty bowls of different types of chips and pretzels and crackers, and so instead of throwing the bowls out, you mix the chips, the pretzels and the crackers together in a big ziplock bag. It looks funny, and one might assume that it will taste funny, but after eating one handful you realize, this is fucking delicious. That was us. I can honestly say in that one evening, I learned to love so many DIFFERENT things about women. That my friends, is why I heart this music video.

2. Oh yeah, I almost forgot my second reason. I think Beth Ditto is GORGEOUS, and this video only solidifies that conviction. Superficial and has nothing to do with The Gossip's/Beth Ditto's awesomeness, I know, but the thems the truth. I'm not embarrassed to admit that the very sight of Beth Ditto makes my heart go thump thump.

2009-06-16T21:16:00.003-05:00

Did you read Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. when you were a kid? If you didn't go check it out from the library and read it. NOW.

For some reason I was thinking about this book today. I wasn't allowed to read the book. My Mormon parents thought it was pornographic (the book is one of the top 100 banned book). However, when I was twelve, menstruating, hated the world, questioning the religion I had been raised in and dealing with having rampant crushes...I checked it out from the school library anyway. I hid the book in my locker and read it during lunch at school. I learned a lot from this book.

1. When I got my first period, having no previous explanation what a period was, I thought I was dying. My mother told me that it was God's gift to me so I could have babies, and that I should thank him every day in my prayers. This confused me. Why would God want me to have babies so young, and why would he make it so terrible?

Are You There God? It's Me Margaret taught me that periods sucked and that they hurt, and are uncomfortable and embarrassing and a nuisance. I knew right away that my mother was wrong and Judy Blume was right.

2. When I got boobs, my mother took me to the mall to buy me bras. A woman who worked in the department store came into the dressing room to measure my chest so I could get the right fit. My mother got upset and sent to woman away, and then told me, "You should always keep your breasts hidden. Only unclean women show their breasts to people and flaunt them." I was ashamed of my boobs then.

Are You There God? It's Me Margaret, taught me that boobs are a good thing, whether they are big or small. I learned that a girl should be excited about getting breasts, and they are natural. I knew right away that my mother was wrong. Breast are incredible. (I perhaps took this too far...I adore breasts.) "We must, we must, we must increase our bust. The bigger the better, the tighter the sweater, the more the boys (or girls) were like us" I will never forget that line in the book.

3. When I was 12, I had my first "real" crush on a girl. By "real," I mean that all of my previous girl crushes were purely platonic. There was no sexual feelings involved. However, at twelve, I had a crush on a girl that involved sexual feelings. This scared me. I didn't really know what homosexuality was, but I knew that girls were supposed to have crushes on boys. I was somewhat comforted by the act that at the same time, I had a crush on a boy (who, as a side note, would eventually become my boyfriend and STAYED my boyfriend until I was 17). I decided to tell my mom about my two crushes. After I told her, my mom took me a long car ride so we could "talk." During the two hour car ride my mother told me that I must NEVER allow myself to have feelings for another female because it was one of the worst sins against God there is; she told me that if I chose to continue to feel that way towards girls, that the church would excommunicate me, my family would disown me, and I would go to hell. I never could make myself stop having crushes on girls after that, so instead, I hung on to the same boy for five years, and hated myself everyday for wanting to be with girls instead.

When I was a sophomore in college, I reread Are You There God? It's me Margaret. for a Women's Studies class. At the same time I was dealing with feelings for a woman (who would eventually become my first girlfriend. I knew at the time that I was not going to be able to escape my feeling for this woman, like I had done since I was 12. She was particularly persistent and I was particularly in love with her. I felt like I was 12 again. While reading the book, at 20, I felt myself changing the crushes in the book from boys to girls. I realized that my mother was wrong. Crushes are good, no matter the gender of the person. They make you feel both terrible and wonderful at the same time, and in the end, no matter the outcome, they are worth having.

4. When I was 12, I started question the Mormon religion. None of it made sense. I couldn't understand why the only thing I should look forward to in life was getting married and having children because it was the only way to get me to heaven. I want more. Much more. I would ask my parents questions about our religion, and they would make me pray and apologize for questioning the authority of the church. I became afraid of my religion, afraid of "God," afraid of my own thoughts. I was convinced that my thoughts were condemning me to hell and misery. I tried to not think, but it only made me think more about how the life I was being raised to live wasn't what I meant to be and was just plain WRONG.

When I read Are You There God? It's Me Margaret, I finally had someone to relate to. I learned that it was OK to question religion, to question the existence of God, to have your own thoughts and opinions. I began to accept my own beliefs (and to simply keep them to myself). I knew I wasn't a Mormon, and that all I had to do was wait until I was out of my parents home and then I would be free. I knew my parents had been wrong. Religion and God are not definite. You do not have to practice the same religion as your parents or have any religion at all. It is up to you to decide what is best. I learned this lesson AGAIN when I reread the book my sophomore year of college and had returned to the Mormon church the previous year and was already questioning and miserable again.

Anyway, do yourself a favor. Read the book. Even if you've already read it. Read it again. You may learn something.

Sometimes I feel proud... other times I don't.

2009-06-16T13:19:00.005-05:00

Dancing on cars...

this time I feel proud.

by the way...

2009-06-15T23:48:00.002-05:00

I dropped some extra baggage today and it feels oh so good. What did I learn? Replacements don't exist.

Manic Monday

2009-06-15T13:22:00.014-05:00

Giggle, Giggle. I heart this.

and this...

And in case you were wondering...

Do I love this or hate it? I honestly can't decide.

2009-06-14T15:42:00.004-05:00

Confession...

2009-06-14T14:21:00.004-05:00

You get six this week:

1. I am embarrassed to admit that I am mildly obsessed with this song right now

2. I got the keys to my place today. I was supposed to be completely packed by today. I have packed NOTHING.

The reason:

I am never home. I can't stand being in my apartment. It LITERALLY makes me physically ill. I have been sleeping on friend's couches and at a friend who is out of town's place for the past two weeks.

3. I am up to smoking 2.5 packs of cigarettes a day. How I survived pneumonia while doing so is a mystery.

4. I lost almost 10 pounds while I had pneumonia. I like it. YIKES.

5. I FUCKING hate Facebook quizzes that ask me how well I know someone or what do I remember about someone or anything that is about someone I actually know. To be honest, I don't give a flying fuck when you got your first car, or who your first love was, or what your favorite color is. None of it.. I don't remember because I don't care. I can count on one hand the people I could actually answer those questions about and even if they sent me one of those stupid quizzes to me, I wouldn't take the quiz, because I think they are pure, unadulterated, donkey shit.

6. It annoys me that the person I am dating knows nothing about blogging, the Internet or Facebook (or any social networking for that matter). The question, "How do I make a Facebook page?" almost made me cry. The question, "What is the point of blogging?" made me want to cause physical harm.

It annoys me even more that I get mad at him about it.

It annoys me the MOST that he doesn't care that I get mad at him about it.

*This is a clear sign to me that the word PLATONIC should become a clear title.

I should feel bad about saying this, but Tony Pierce's rules #11 and #24 says you should write only what you ACTUALLY want to say and be honest while doing so and then hit publish. So there you go.

BONUS: I haven't been following rules #11 or #24 lately. But I am working on changing that. Tony was right about everything else, so I can't imagine that he would be wrong about this one. Most of you don't know know who I am anyway. (another gift from Tony Pierce) As for those if you who do know me...yeah, I haven't figured out that part yet.

Weekly Mixtape: The Best of The Smashing Pumpkins

2009-06-12T20:45:00.003-05:00

This week's mixtape: The Best of the Smashing Pumpkins

I have been listening to The Smashing Pumpkins a lot the past few days, so I made you a mix of what I think are the best Smashing Pumpkins songs. The first concert I ever went to alone was a Smashing Pumpkins concert. I was 14 and to this day I can tell you about the concert minute by minute. It was INCREDIBLE! I put this mixtape on one playlist because I am short on time this week. Sorry!

Here is the play list:

1. To Sheila

2. Ava Adore

3. Rhinoceros

4. The Cry Tree of Mercury (my FAVORITE Smashing Pumpkins song!!!!!)

5. Bullet With Butterfly Wings

6. To Forgive

7. Zero

8. In The Arms of Sleep

9. Stumbleline

10. We Only Come Out At Night

11. Landslide (Fleetwood Mac cover)

12. Spaceboy

Feminist Friday: A Woman's Body and her "Worthiness"

2009-06-12T18:33:00.003-05:00

A lot of feminist blogs and articles focus on women's bodies. They talk about how every woman's body is beautiful, no matter the shape or size. Let me start by saying, I agree. A woman's body is beautiful, PERIOD. In fact, I am more attracted to woman that are (in my words) soft. I think that woman spend entirely too much time worrying about their bodies and conforming to what we are told is "attractive." Likewise, women critique other women's bodies too often. We look each other up and down and make a judgment based on each others size, shape, outfit, makeup (or lack of), hairstyle etc. It's infuriating. It isn't just men telling women they need to be fit and thin, we do it to each other.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. Great, all women's bodies are beautiful. But why should we care? When we focus on women's bodies and how they are beautiful no matter what we are STILL saying that a woman's value is measured by her body. Why should we care whether or not being chubby or a different shape than what society say is "beautiful" at all? The only way we can change societies pressure on woman to look a particular way is if we stop accepting that a woman's most important asset is her body in the first place. Really think about it. It's like we are saying, "What? You're chunky? Well, you're still worth my time." Why is a woman's body even included in the equation? It's still objectification. Do we look at men and say, "Well he has a pot belly, but I bet he is a still a great person?" No, we don't. Men are not measured by their bodies. We don't make assumption about who they are, how smart they are, how driven they are, how important they are based on their bodies and we certainly don't write article about how an amazing a man is and then say "AND he's fat, how amazing!" How many blog posts are out there that tell you men are still worthy of your attention no matter what their bodies look like.

Sometimes when I read articles professing how great women are regardless of there bodies I feel like what we are ACTUALLY saying is, "She me be fat, but she is still a great person." It's gross. Why can't we just look at women and focus on WHO THEY ARE. Honestly, I think when we focus on body image we are only perpetuating the problem. We need to flip the bird to body image and move on. Let's focus on the REAL issues, like job equality, women's health, stopping violence against women. I read articles and blog posts about women who do incredible things and 50% of them talk about how the woman may be plump or differently shaped but is still awesome. Why can't the article JUST be about her accomplishments, what does her body have to do with anything? Would the incredible things this hypothetical woman be any less or more amazing if she were stereotypically fit? No. It doesn't make a difference. The point is women do great things. Imagine an article about a man. Lets call this man Frank. Now let's imagine that this was written about Frank:

"Frank is an advocate for ending violence. He volunteers at shelter and participates in multiple legislative issues pertaining to ending violence. Frank has a PhD in English and is highly respected in his field. Among his other accomplishments, Frank is a musician and has had his writing published in literary circles. When asked about his body image Frank has said that he doesn't focus on his size. he knows he is chubby, but he doesn't let it get in the way of the things he does. "I'm proud of my body," Frank said in a recent interview...

ABSURD! But if Frank were Jane, we wouldn't bat an eyelash. But is is still absurd.

I get it. Women are beautiful, now lets move on. Of course we need to remain advocates for women and breaking down beauty standards, but it is a separate issue. If we collectively deny that a woman is measured by her body, eventually everyone else will too. The way we can accomplish this is by simply NOT making it a focus. It will take a long time, and will never completely go away, but come on fellow feminists, let's just focus on what important, the empowerment of women. That empowerment has NOTHING to do with what our bodies look like.

WTF? Thursday: NOTHING should be this cute

2009-06-11T16:43:00.002-05:00

WTF? Thursday: Seriously, you wont be able to stop.

2009-06-11T02:35:00.003-05:00

Spin for awhile.

What's on my mind: I'm new and improved

2009-06-10T19:36:00.002-05:00

I've been in my 30's for less than a month and I feel like I have been bombarded with ADULTHOOD. It has gone as follows:
1. I found a house.
2. My new house is WAY bigger than anything I have lived in before sooooo, I had to purchase furniture for said house. I am the proud owner of a new bedroom set for my spare bedroom and a new living room set.
3. Today, I purchased a brand new car without a cosigner. There was 13 miles on my car when I drove off the lot.

All of this new stuff seems so domestic to me. Even a month ago I never would have imagined myself going to a furniture store and picking out "sets," or going to a car lot a picking out a car that nobody else has owned before. I certainly didn't think I WANTED those things. But I have to admit, its pretty cool, especially since I did this all on my OWN credit, credit that I have spent years trying to build and am finally reaping the benefits of. Being completely independent is very freeing, albeit scary. The past month has been a roller coaster of drastic change, but most of it has turned out to be good change. My life has literally taken a COMPLETELY new direction. I'm not quite sure where this new direction is going to take me, but I am willing to go for the ride.

July 8th!

2009-06-08T23:43:00.003-05:00

I am going to the No Doubt concert on July 8th and I am seriously counting down the days.
This song...emotion making. My favorite No Doubt song and probably #3 of my top ten favorite songs.

Jay-Z outdid himself this time...

2009-06-08T22:37:00.004-05:00

This song is actually a fight song against T. Pain (and other hip hop artists like him) as well as a dis on a certain technology company :)

If you listen to the lyrics, you will realize how FUCKING RAD Jay-Z really is. I'm not going to tell you what he is talking about, because I want you to listen and figure it out. The song/cd is released this month if you are interested.

Don't know what Autotune is? Read this.

Random Musing

2009-06-08T00:41:00.002-05:00

It is both strange and awesome to me that the VAST MAJORITY of the people that read this blog now have no clue who I am and I have no clue who they are. Thank you Tony Pierce. You are a GENIUS!

Confession...

2009-06-07T21:54:00.003-05:00

I finally agreed to do a photo lineup at the police station tomorrow for an incident that happened this spring. My fear is indescribable, mostly because the police are more correct about what actually happened than I am willing to admit.

Confession...

2009-06-07T15:49:00.002-05:00

Two days ago I threw away all of my research, deleted all of my written files and boxed up all of the books I was using for research for the dissertation I was going to write.

It's gone. All of it.

Why? 2 reasons:

1. None of it made any sense and I couldn't MAKE it make sense

2. I just didn't care anymore

Now I feel lost.

What now?

Organization is the Key to Success..or least my grandma says so

2009-06-06T10:56:00.005-05:00

OK, so I am uber busy this summer. I have roller derby, trivia, and I joined a kickball team (The Schoolyard Bully Kickers). I'm also going to school and I have loads of research and work to do.

This is my schedule:

Sunday: Kickball

Monday: I have reserved Mondays for school...so research, research, research

Tuesday: Roller Derby

Wednesday: Trivia

Thursday: Roller Derby

Friday: My free night!

Saturday: Roller Derby Bouts

My readership has increased a lot the past few weeks here at MostlyTrueMusing, so in order to keep myself from getting behind On blogging while I am so busy, AND so my readers know what to expect each day, I have created a schedule for the blog.

I hope you find this to your liking:

Sundays: Weekly Confession

Mondays: Manic Monday (you never know what you're gonna get)

Tuesdays: So Cute You're Gonna Puke Tuesdays (make sure to bring your barf bag)

Wednesdays: What's On My Mind Wednesday

Thursdays: WTF Thursday (things that make me or you go, WTF?)

Fridays: Feminist Friday

Saturdays: Weekly Mixtape

So we will see how this new schedule works for the next few weeks and then revise if need be. Have a great week, readers!

Agnostic or Atheist: Musings about God and Jesus and Whatnot

2009-06-05T18:41:00.008-05:00

Sometimes I miss being a Christian. Only because when I was Christian I was blissfully oblivious to a lot of things. I do not however, miss being a Mormon. When I was Mormon I was afraid of EVERYTHING, mainly myself.

I only recently came to the realization the "God" is a hoax. It wasn't a sudden epiphany, I didn't wake up one morning and shout, "God is a unicorn!" It was more of a gradual acceptance that the God I spent so many years, believing in, praying to, following orders from and trusting simply wasn't there. I didn't go through any mourning period after this discovery, which is strange to me considering how many repercussions it has in my life. It actually had a freeing effect. I feel a lot less guilty these days. That thing called "sin" doesn't dictate my life anymore. I mean, I still believe in "right and wrong," but I no longer believe that my choices will have any effect on an afterlife I may or may not have.

Now I'm trying to figure out whether I am an atheist who doesn't believe in any higher power, or simply an agnostic who accepts the possibility of a higher power, but has no proof of such an entity. At this point I am leaning more towards the agnostic side, but sometimes I question whether or not that is the ex-Christan in me fighting my heathenhood.

As for Jesus, yikes. I can't believe that I actually believed that I personally nailed the dude to the cross because of all the dirty and terrible things I've done in my life. I'm sorry, but the whole sacrificial lamb thing was what totally killed Christianity and religion for me. I have discovered, through experience, that the best way to control a person is through guilt. Man those Christian scholars were geniuses! How do you control the masses? Guilt them into it. YOU are a terrible person. Because you lied and cheated and didn't treat your fellow man the right way, a man so pure that he was conceived without sex had to die. How could you? And guess what. Even though he died for your wrong doings, you still might be damned forever in fire with people equally as terrible as you. Its gonna hurt too. Forever. So do as I say so you can avoid it. And you better pray. Pray that you won't be so evil, pray to be forgiven, because your heart is as black as coal. You are a person and people are bad.....

Sounds absurd when you read it right?

This whole "people are inherently bad and need to be saved thing" makes me flip the bird to good ole' Jesus on a daily basis. People do bad things, some more than others, but people also love and care and do far more good than bad. We spend so much time mistrusting each other because our minds have been slammed with this idea: people=bad. Its all so sad to me. How many people have you written off because your first instinct was that they probably weren't "good." I think that religion has made us disconnect from each other and I have found out recently that no prayer in the world can heal you, support you, change you, love you more than another human being.

And then there is the "afterlife," I don't even know if I want anything to do with it. Forever is such a long time, even in an existence of complete bliss. I don't want to spend forever in perfection. The best things in my life have been imperfect or flawed. I adore imperfection. It is what makes life worth living. Even when imperfection has made me feel the lowest or made me feel the saddest or the angriest or the most afraid, at least I got to FEEL and live. I would rather decompose in the ground and go back into the cycle of the production of more imperfection. Perfection forever? How boring. Please say it isn't so.

So I guess part of me would like to believe that we aren't just random and alone, but another part of me WANTS it all to be just a random event, and the idea of being all alone can be very alluring. Imagine it, all we have is each other and ourselves and the chaos, and in the end, our bodies fall apart and create more chaos. Sounds like an ideal existence to me, a horrifying, but incredible existence.

Oh God! I mean really, Jesus Christ, why is it so hard to figure this stuff out? I have decided to stop trying. It would suck to have all the answers because then I would have to be held accountable, at least now I can claim ignorance.

What's on my mind:

2009-06-05T02:56:00.007-05:00

Women are incredible.

No blog post I will ever write can come close to truly explaining how amazing I think women are. I've tried, and I always come up short. Frankly, its a good problem to have.

Proof that hipsters shouldn't procreate...

2009-06-04T23:47:00.004-05:00

Dear Hipsters,

Please do not scare little babies for your shitty music videos. Your music, while somewhat entertaining, is not THAT cool, nor does making a baby cry increase said coolness. Furthermore, licking dogs+wearing grey spandex outfits= fucking lame. I hope this constructive criticism helps you improve the fact that you kinda suck. If I'm not making myself clear, allow me to elaborate: I would rather watch a 6 minute long video of a donkey's scrotum than this shit. Also, as a side note, Brooklyn, stop making more hipsters that make music videos. Please. Otherwise I will send Hippies into your city and make it smell of patchouli and sound like a never ending drum circle.

Sincerely, mostlytruejem

WTF MGMT? MGMT'S new video:

Somewhere Out There

2009-06-02T20:37:00.005-05:00

When I was 7 my mother took me to see An American Tail in the movie theatre. I loved the movie until the mice started singing the song "Somewhere Out There." I started sobbing loudly in the middle of the song and didn't stop. My mother actually had to take me out of the movie theatre and take me home. To this day I don't know how the movie ends. My friend was talking about the song today, and I told her about how I never saw the ending of American Tail because of that song. She laughed at me and told me we should see if the song was on YouTube. It was and 20 seconds into the song I was sobbing.

Thirty years old, and all of the sudden I was seven again. LAME.

Chacha

2009-06-02T00:02:00.003-05:00

If you haven't done chacha yet, you need to. Text ANY question to 242-242 and you will get answers for free. Real people answer these question and you will get some HILARIOUS stuff. Here are some questions I have recently asked chacha and the answers I received:

Question: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer: Three. One to screw it in, two to write a song about it.

Question: Why are republicans so dumb?

Answer: I'm a republican and I'm smarter than you.

Question: How do you say "ejaculation" in slang?

Answer: Its all about the SKEET SKEET

Question: Fuck you chacha

Answer: Please say that in Spanish

Question: Who would win in a fight to the death between Kate Gosslin and the Octomom

Answer: Get your Magic 8 Ball and ask it.

Question: What does "Fennah" mean when used in this context, "I'm fennah to go do something"

Answer: Fennah is Midwest slang for "fixin to," hope you're FENNAH to use chacha real soon.

AWESOME!!!!!

Weekly Mixtape: Alternative Music That Will Make You Feel Like a Fucking Wizard

2009-05-31T22:59:00.007-05:00

This weeks mixtape: Alternative Music That Will Make You Feel Like A Fucking Wizard.

I searched for some new Alternative music/bands. This is the best of what I found. Some songs are a couple years old, but most of it is new. Also, I have been told in multiple emails that you would prefer the songs be posted separately instead of one long mixtape. As you wish my faithful readers. Enjoy!

Brackish Water- The Lisps

Documents-The Lisps

Into The Galaxy- Midnight Juggernauts

So Many Frequencies- Midnight Juggernauts

Departure-Crystal Stilts

Never Stops- Deerhunter

A Teenager in Love- Pains of Being Pure at Heart

Daniel- Bat for Lashes

Pot Kettle Black- Tilly and the Wall

Bad Education- Tilly and the Wall

Blah Blah Blah- Say Hi to Your Mom

I'm Good, I'm Gone- Lyyke Li

Graffiti

2009-05-29T23:34:00.002-05:00

My graffiti art classes are starting in a couple of weeks and I made this iMovie of some of my favorite graffiti for my students for the first day of class.
Also, I found out that the graffiti artist that I have been following (and trying to figure out who he is) has been leaving me graffiti around the city, and as of today, has been leaving me clues as to where to find them via text message (how did he get my phone number????) Minus the mystery of how he got my cell phone number, IT IS FUCKING AWESOME!!!!! Anyway, I had a great time making this iMovie, I hope you enjoy it!

To Anonymous:

2009-05-29T23:26:00.002-05:00

Go fuck yourself.

Confession...

2009-05-29T12:33:00.006-05:00

I am not as well educated, open minded, or comfortable with gender identification as I thought myself to be. I am getting a crash course on the matter. I appritiate the brutal schooling, but fear I won't pass the test.

Sex makes you a pervert and a deviant, and finally, gay..

2009-05-28T21:12:00.003-05:00

I am now deathly afraid of mass transit, the press and distribution centers of any type. Sex is lurking around every corner, people! Watch out! The only comfort I can take is that, as I learned this evening, perverts and sexual deviation has been around since the cave men. Those damn Neanderthals, jacking off to cave paintings and only inventing the wheel so they could distribute pornography. I guess we haven't evolved as much as we thought.

Confession...

2009-05-28T11:58:00.004-05:00

There are days that I wish I had a time machine...these days actually outnumber the days that I don't wish I had a time machine.

The Reality of Insomnia

2009-05-21T20:58:00.004-05:00

So lately people have been asking me a lot about what is like to have REAL insomnia. For those of you who don't know me, I have an actual, diagnosed, sleep disorder that has a long complicated name and is best labeled as "insomnia." I've had it since my early teens. I don't typically tell people I have insomnia, but most people figure it out quickly because I am up at all hours of the night and then up very early in the morning. When people DO figure out that I have insomnia, then a wealth of questions follow. Most pertain to how I function during the day. I have compiled a list of answers to the most common questions I am asked about what its like for me to have insomnia. Review and feel informed:

1. I have had insomnia since I was 13. My teen years were spent sneaking out at all hours of the night and wandering. This is how I formed the habit of wandering the city at night and talking to random people I meet. This is also how I learned to trust strangers. Stranger=Danger is a hoax.

2. I love Tvland...formerly known as Nick-at-Night. I used to watch Nick-at-Night on the nights I knew that I couldn't get away with sneaking out. Most insomniacs will tell you that late night TV, which consists of reruns, is far more gratifying than prime time.

3. I read a lot of books. I sometimes read 3 books a week. Doctors will tell you that reading will help you sleep, but for an insomniac, reading just makes your mind race. If a book is REALLY good, I have a short mourning period after the book is over. A good book can be GREAT company at 4am.

4. My thought process is slightly stunted. I am slow to process my thoughts etc and even slower to react to them. It is frustrating, but something I have learned to adapt to. the only problem is that no matter how hard I try to explain this to people, they still get pissed when I don't react promptly enough or in the expected manner. I used to get really upset about this, but now I just do my best to move on and do better next time.

5. I pretend to sleep when I share a bed with someone. I have found that it generally freaks people out to share a bed with a person who sleeps significantly less than them. For some reason people want you to sleep on the same schedule as them. I have yet to figure out why...

6. It really bother me when people ask me, "how are you functioning right now?" Isn't the important part that I AM functioning? I would like to say that I have an answer to this question. but the truth of the matter is, I slowly just adapted. I don't FEEL tired during the day. And if I ever DO feel tired, I have learned ways to get past it. That's it. People assume that I struggle everyday to stay awake. I don't.

7. I enjoy my own company. Let me revise that...I prefer my own company. I am alone while people are asleep. I used to hate it, now I love it.

8. It makes me really angry when people tell me to "get some rest." If I could, I would. Most of the time I don't need said rest anyway.

9. The truth is, I like that I need so little sleep. I have experienced a lot of things while the rest of the world is sleeping. I also feel like part of the reason I am successful academically and professionally is because I sleep less than most people. I was able to finish my Masters degree in 18 months because of my insomnia. It''s easy to do homework and work at an accelerated rate when you aren't sleeping.

10. The fact that I don't TRY to sleep more is a problem. I admit it and I get it. I don't have a rebuttal. It is what it is.

Weekly Mixtape!

2009-05-19T22:29:00.005-05:00

This Mixtape: Mashups That Will Make You Say: "Wait Till You See My Pee Pee, Bitch!" (are you happy Ronnie?) (sorry, inside joke)

This mixtape is a compilation of mashups that will make your bum move anthropomorphically.

I'm lazy and it would take too much time to name all of these songs and their artists so just listen and enjoy yourself. :)

Weekly Mixtape!

2009-05-19T22:08:00.003-05:00

This Mixtape: Songs That Make You Look Like A Lesbian

You know what I'm talking about so don't act all shocked. If you get caught listening to any of these songs people will automatically assume that you're a little bit Lez. And they are probably right. What's that? You're a dude? Well you still look like a "gloveless gynecologist" (love ya Susie!) if you listen to these songs, you man-gina.

1. Closer to Fine- The Indigo Girls (Enough said.)

2. Two Little Girls- Ani Difraco (seriously, if you religiously listen to Ani you've kissed a girl)

3. Breath Me- Sia (how can you NOT think of pretty ladies while listening to this song?)

4. Push It- Salt-N-Pepa (if you know the words to this song, you know your way around a vagina)

5. Living Room- Tegan and Sara (for the hipsters that dig the ladies)

6. True Colors- Cyndi Lauper (rainbows suck, get over it)

7. Independent- Webbie (ok, so this song just describes the PERFECT ladyfriend to me)

Confession...

2009-05-18T22:27:00.003-05:00

I have spent years working towards a specific set of goals. Now that those goals have come into fruition, they are not what I want.
Problem: I have no fucking clue what it is I want. Just that it's not this...
I fear that my pervasive habit of running away is taking over my life in every way possible.

Saturday Video Fun

2009-05-16T16:28:00.004-05:00

There isn't much more amusing than a lizard jumping on a news anchor's crotch.
Observe.

This commercial (involving being RAMmed in the crotch) cracks me up like crazy.

I'm sorry, I know this is HORRIBLE, but oh my god.
A bird pooped in this reporter's mouth.

I can't stop laughing. Here's a response to the last video:

I hope at least one of them made you laugh.
I'm giggling like crazy over here.

*guestblogged

Confession...

2009-05-13T23:00:00.002-05:00

May 15th...I hope I'm not the only one that's scared shitless.

Conversations with a Student

2009-05-12T22:23:00.003-05:00

I have a student that I refer to as the "That's what she said" kid. Here's why:

Incident 1:
I was making a sign for my door and couldn't find anything to write with and said, "I need a big black sharpie." My student immediately replied, "That's what she said."

Incident 2:
I was explaining to my class that they could do the project I had assigned to them in groups of 2. I mistakenly said, "You can do it with a partner, but not in a group of three." With out missing a beat my student said, "That's what she said."

Incident 3:
It was Hawaiian shirt day and I was basically FORCED to wear a lei. A student says to me "your lei is pretty." To which previously mentioned student replies, "That's what she said."

Who Jumps in the Box Better?: VOTE!

2009-05-12T20:08:00.002-05:00

OK, so the vote is up to you. Who jumps in the box better?
Maru:

or this dude:

Happy Mother's Day!

2009-05-10T19:21:00.002-05:00

In honor of Mother's Day, I am going to blog about siblings appreciating their mothers. Well, actually, I appreciate the heck out of my mom, and she knows it, so instead I'm going to show you the following video.
If my brother and I were both male, this would be us. Maybe.

*guestblogged. mama.

Will Ferrell

2009-05-09T18:04:00.004-05:00

If you know me at all, you must know of my undying love for Will Ferrell as a comedian.

I have seen every movie he's made, just about every episode of Saturday Night Live that he's been on, and in general I think the man is a comedic genius.

I've spent the past half hour searching youtube for a good clip of Will to share with you on this sunny Saturday. There are so many, it's hard to choose! I decided on one of my favorite parts from the movie Semi-Pro (which is not one of his best, but it's still quite amusing).

In this scene, he has his basketball team wear eyeliner as they are going to be on network television. The team begins to sweat and the cheap eyeliner begins to run... Enjoy!

"CockSandwich that hurts!"

For good measure, check out this Liz Feldman video that I found on funny or die while I'm was huntin' for videos.
"Between making popcorn and crying, I haven't got much time to go to school."

Borman Academy - watch more funny videos

Borman Academy.
Score.

*GuestBlogging, it's what's for dinner.

Gulity Pleasures

2009-05-08T22:41:00.003-05:00

Good evening and happy weekend!
As this is not (my regular blog), I feel more comfortable sharing secrets.

One of my guiltiest pleasures is watching (and listening to the music from) the High School Musical (HSM) franchise.
I don't know what it is about Zac Efron, but damn, that kid's got magnetism.
The songs get stuck in my head for days, and I completely adore Lucas Grabeel, the actor who plays "Ryan," Sharpay's twin. He's such a cutie and I love that he also had a role in the movie Milk. Great film.

Recently, for my last birthday as a 20something, my ladyfriend (mmmhmm, I use it, too) bought me all three HSM movies on DVD. Teen musical heaven FOR THE WIN!
I used to make fun of HSM relentlessly when I worked at a middle school, but after watching all three movies (beginning with the first one, which I saw last summer), I can honestly admit I like 'em the for the same reasons I enjoy the movies Clueless and The Breakfast Club. Good, teen, fun.

Seriously guys, if you haven't seen the movies, you should. It's no wonder the were such a hit with the preteen Disney viewing crowd. Those movies (and the tweenybopper actors in them) are golden money making musicale machines, I tell you what!

A New Favorite Comic

2009-05-07T19:38:00.004-05:00

Have you heard of "Jane's World?"
I can honestly state that I would not have found "Jane's World" if it wasn't for Yahoo! Comics.
Who knew?!

Paige Braddock (author of "Jane's World") publishes comics twice a week, on Mondays and Thursdays. I always keep my eyes peeled for her latest strip. I had to read back a few weeks to get the back story but once I did, I was hooked. It's a lesbian comic that deals with real day to day life. A smattering of politic is included for good measure, but one thing I like about it is how "everyday" the story line is. I'm trying to think of a better descriptor for it. Man, for an English teacher, adjectives are sure failing me today. Regardless, check out that comic. I hope you like it!

Now, I know most folks know about "Dykes to Watch Out For" and its author, Alison Bechdel. For my money/from my experience, it's one of the most widely known GLBTQ authored comic strips.

Another great comic writer is Kris Dresen. Not only is she a great comic writer and artist, but she's also (from my experience talking to her online) a very intelligent, sarcastic person. She has online strips posted and books for sale. I love her work.

If you've got some time, please check 'em out!

*guest blogged. indeed.

Confession

2009-05-07T19:22:00.004-05:00

I always hated wearing dresses as a kid, especially dresses with flowers on them. Recently I wore only femme/feminine clothing for about five years. Now, I can't hack it except on rare occasions.
Confession: My inside is finally far more girly than my outside.

*Hi! I'm Laura, guest blogging for Jem. You can find me at pile of sassy. More to come!

Solo Trip: The California Zephyr

2009-05-06T14:15:00.003-05:00

So, for a few years now I have been doing random solo trips on Amtrak, tomorrow I am boarding The California Zephyr (I won't actually make it to California). I know what you're probably thinking, YUCK Amtrak! However, I have had some priceless experiences while riding the train. For example, one time I saw a woman get escorted off the train in handcuffs because she offered the train conductor a blow job for a Diet Coke. Another time I rode in the observation car with two deaf men from Mexico. We communicated for 4 hours in a spiral notebook in written Spanish. I played guitar with an aging hippie in the snack car. I got on the wrong train, going the wrong direction and ended up in a little town in Kansa with the BEST diner ever, I sat an people watched and smoked cigarettes for hours until another train came along.

Riding Amtrak can be fun if you are willing to be flexible and don't have an plan. Get off the train when the mood strikes you, don't worry, if there isn't a ticket station in the town you get off in, you can always buy another ticket on the next train that comes by. Try to buy open passes. They are typically offered by region, but you can get some great deals on them. Travel Lightly! If you have a travel pack, use that instead of a suitcase. Be willing to talk to strangers if they try to engage you in conversation. Most importantly, enjoy being ALONE. You can be your own best company.

Breaking News!
While I am away, my BFF, Laura Sue, is going to guest blog on Mostly True Musing! She will blog on Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Enjoy!

Post-It Graffiti 2009

2009-05-05T21:58:00.008-05:00

This year was amazing! I can't explain how rewarding it is to see a group of strangers get together and create art while having genuine interactions with one another. At one point, there was a 7 year old, a homeless person, a drunk guy, a psychologist, a doctor, a teacher and a musician all creating art together. They talked, laughed and connected. To me, that's what art is about. The best part is that all of the art pieces created were spread out into the community to unsuspecting people. I always imagine that the people who find Post-It Graffiti get an unexpected smile, and even if its brief, the ability to connect with a stranger and be able to say..."Yeah, I feel that way sometimes too."
Here's an iMovie of pictures of some of the Post-Its. I promise, it will make you smile.

Weekly Mixtape!

2009-05-04T23:10:00.006-05:00

OK, I know its been less than a week, but my boredom was profound this evening.

This Mixtape: Songs That Made You Feel Cool in High School

Don't deny it, you know you listened to these songs while you pretended to inhale the smoke from the cigarettes you were smoking. You felt fucking awesome when you listened to these songs. So light up a cig and feel your inner coolness. You are rad!

1. Girls- Beastie Boys

2. No Rain- Blind Melon

3. When I Come Around- Green Day

4. November Rain- Guns N' Roses

5. Jennifer's Body- Hole

6. Fade Into You- Mazzy Star

7. Smells Like Teen Spirit- Nirvana

8. Today- Smashing Pumpkins

9. Blister in the Sun- Violent Femmes

10. Free Fallin'- Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

11. Black- Pearl Jam

12. Hand in My Pocket- Alanis Morissette

Confession...

2009-05-04T22:55:00.002-05:00

I appear to be successful professionally and academically, but the truth is, my procrastination abilities hold me back at great lengths.

Weekly Mixtape!

2009-05-02T12:56:00.012-05:00

New to Mostly True Musing: Weekly Mixtape!

Every week I will create a mixtape for you and post it on Saturdays. Each week will have a theme (cause that's how I roll) and I will have the music info posted in case you want to check it out on iTunes etc.

This week's Mixtape: Music of the Adorable

I hope you have an ear orgasm! Enjoy!

download here

Songs/Artists:

1. Thats Not My Name- The Ting Tings

2. Death to the Los Campesinos!- Los Campesinos!

3. Bus Stop Birthday- Coach Said Not To

4. Pepper Spray- The Lisps

5. Guyamas Sonora- Beirut

6. Squarehead- Hello Seahorse!

7. Nantes- Beirut

(yeah yeah, Beirut is on here twice, deal)

I laugh in the face of Swine Flu

2009-05-01T22:31:00.001-05:00

Trust

2009-05-01T21:19:00.009-05:00

I don't do it, which is probably why I keep most things to myself. Here is an abridged list of things I don't trust.

people- I just don't trust them. I wish I could. Most people haven't given me reason NOT to trust them. The problem is, it only takes one person to misplace your trust. So, I would rather NOT trust anyone than trust someone and have them betray that trust. (there are exceptions to the rule and that SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME)
my body- ever since I got diagnosed with Lupus I feel like my body is a stranger waiting to screw me over the first chance it gets. We are trying to gain a amicable relationship, but I am holding out until some of my demand are met.
cars- seriously yo, what is up with those fuckers?
cats- they look at you like they are planning a mutiny. That mutiny involves rope, kitty litter and cats with little tiny machine guns. Trust me. They are just waiting for the right moment to attack.
restaurant food- my friend Katie told me a story one time about a guy she knew who put beef jerky from a store down his pants and then back in the bin for people to buy. Ever since then I assume that all food that I did not prepare myself has touched a scrotum.
my brain- it works overtime.
puppies- they want to pee on you, for realz
blue koolaid- it tastes like smurfs, or at least what I think a smurf would taste like. I don't want the taste of smurfs to be anywhere near my mouth.
dudes with visors on- They ALL have rooffies in their pockets.
yuppies/preppies- holy shit those people scare me! Is it just me or do they have the "I'm judging you" look permanently plastered on their faces?
pop music- it is all a subliminal message. That message is: Eat Soylent Green and become a Scientologist...in that order.
dates- they are traps meant for you to show all of your flaws in less than 2 hours and then have them posted on Facebook.
crying- I'm a feminist and all, but I kinda think that crying is just your vagina talking.
Fox News- Read the book A Handmaid's Tale and you'll understand.
The moon landing- why aren't there any stars in the footage?
planes- one bird can take an entire plane down. WTF?!?!
marriage- is it just me or is marriage like being in jail forever?
live in girlfriends- why ruin the sex?
Dave Mathews Band- seriously people? There is only so much whining I can take from a guy.
public toilets- they are all a herpes/HPV/crabs cauldron
the word "obey"- my first reaction is to always say "no." To obey someone is to give them all the power. No thank you.
diet pop- its for people who can't commit.
this blog- refer to the first sentence of this blog post.

Ten Things You Learn When the President Visits

2009-04-30T21:02:00.005-05:00

1. The Secret Service is EVERYWHERE...if you look up there are red lights in the ceiling and light fixtures. Those red lights are connected to cameras. Those cameras are connected to a van parked in the parking lot. Big Brother. Seriously.

2. Don't listen to what you've been told. The presence of Big Brother is COMFORTING.

3. There isn't just one decoy for the president. There are at least two...maybe three.

4. Snipers. They don't mind pointing their guns at you or shooting you. You know this because they'll tell you so.

5. Secret Service agents will smoke cigarettes with you...often. But they will never admit to it.

6. Speaking of Secret Service agents...they are all named "Matt."

7. Marine One is such a powerful helicopter that it makes EVERYTHING shake. By the way, they send a Marine One for all of the decoys.

8. Bomb sniffing dogs lay around and sleep. Useless bastards :)

9. The doors on the president's car at least a foot and half thick.

10. You guys, I don't think people understand how lucky we are to have this guy as our president. He eyes smile. I trust anyone whose eyes smile.

There is so much more I would like to tell you, but sometimes there are stories that you keep to yourself or share with one person and that story is your own for the rest of your life. This is one of those stories.

p.s. yes, that really is Mr. Obama, in the flesh at my school in the picture above. I love that his suit isn't perfect. Imperfect people are the best kind of people in my book.

Confession...

2009-04-27T21:47:00.001-05:00

My cigarette addiction has gotten a little out of control. I'm at a pack a day.

Confession...

2009-04-26T22:05:00.001-05:00

I am WAY over extended and stressed right now and my blog is very low on my list of priorities.

Connie Converse

2009-04-25T01:31:00.007-05:00

Stacia posted this link about sing-songwriter Connie Converse; after reading the article I became intrigued. Converse wrote and sang songs in the 1950's, however, after listening to her song "One by One," one can easily make the comparison to Ani Difranco or Joni Mitchell. Cartoonist, Gene Deitch, recorder Converse playing songs she had written, however the recording sat stagnant for years. These recordings along with some recording that Converse did herself at home have been compiled and are now available on CD and seem to be gaining popularity.

However, it isn't Converse's music that makes her story particularly interesting. After struggling to make it in the music industry and feeling unfulfilled as an editor, Converse wrote notes and letters to family and friends, packed her car and disappeared in 1974. To this day, no one knows her whereabouts.

Stories like these are always compelling. The disappearance of a person who does so on their own accord can often be intriguing, especially when that person is talented or unique. I often wonder if people who disappear by choice constantly keep tabs on the people and life they left behind. In Connie Converse's case, I wonder if the recent success of her music would encourage her to emerge from hiding. It is doubtful, but my human nature, always searching for that happy ending, hopes that Converse would reappear 35 years later only to claim the musical success that eluded her so long ago.

Turning 30 and Changing My Expectations

2009-04-24T19:20:00.010-05:00

Let me just start by saying, I don't like change. I don't like it when my day to day autonomy is interrupted or altered. I will rebel if you try to change me, or my life. To me, most change feels forced and unwelcome. I shake my fist at change while shouting explicits.

But the fact of the matter is, I have changed and I am still changing.

I am turning 30 in a month. Ten years ago, when I turned 20, I had an expectation that I would formulate my entire life in my 20's and then it would be free sailing after I was 30. I was, of course, wrong. Dead wrong. The following is a list of expectations I had for my life when I was 20 and the reality of what happened:

Expectation @ 20: I would be married (to a man) by the time I was 25 and have at least one child by the time I was 30.
Reality @ 30: I am a lesbian that would prefer not to procreate. I also think marriage is a crock of shit and not necessary to express one's love for their spouse or partner.

Expectation @ 20: I would be a professional actress and be on Broadway.
Reality @ 30: I am an educator working towards a PhD in History who does nothing in the field of theatre. I don't even like doing theatre.

Expectation @ 20: I will own a big, beautiful house.
Reality @ 30: I don't understand why ANYONE would want to own a house.

Expectation @ 20: I would be a good and devout Mormon.
Reality @ 30: I left the Mormon Church 2 years ago. I don't even know if I believe in God anymore.

Expectation @ 20: I would be a completely different person by the time I was 30.
Reality @ 30: Although I have matured and shed some of my more harmful vices, the core of me is (and always will be) the same person. The only difference is that now I like who that person is.

Expectation @ 20: I would have different friends when I was 30. Ones that were more interesting, more supportive, more successful and undeniably better than my friends at 20.
Reality @ 30: MOST of my TRUE friends are the same friends I had when I was 20. They are the friends I envisioned having, only more interesting, more supportive and undeniably better than I ever could have imagined at 20.

My point is that the "perfect" life that I believed I would make for myself by the time I was 30 never happened, but I am so fucking thankful it didn't. At 20, I had no clue who I really was and I only wanted to be what I though I should be. One month before my birthday, I realize that while I always knew my life would get better as I got older I didn't appreciate what I had and who I was ten years ago. My life didn't go where I thought it would, but it certainly went where it was supposed to go.

As for my expectations for the next ten years and who I should and will be at 40. Screw it. I hate being wrong, and if I plan and predict who I will be at 40, I know I will be.

Confession...

2009-04-22T23:02:00.003-05:00

This woman has been my hero since I was 16.

Interactions with a student: Laugh or Punish?

2009-04-22T21:45:00.005-05:00

I gave my students an in class assignment today that was due at the end of the hour. By "in class assignment," I meant do the assignment IN CLASS. And by "due at the end of the hour," I meant, turn in your damn assignment when the bell rings. One of my students was having a particularly hard time understating and deciphering my directions. So I said to the student, "Stop talking and playing with your iPod and do the assignment, I'm not going accept this as late homework."

Here is my student's response to my request:

"Jeeze! Why are you being such a twat waffle?!"

WTF??? TWAT WAFFLE?????

1. Who the hell calls their teacher a "twat waffle?"

2. What the fuck is a "twat waffle" anyway?

3. Is it bad that I laughed?

So, from now on you can just refer to me as Ms. Twat Waffle

Conversations on Grand Ave.

2009-04-19T22:07:00.002-05:00

I am walking to Mokabe's on Grand, and pass what I assume to be a transient gentleman. Its raining out so I stop and ask him if he wants me to grab him a cup of coffee:

Me: Darn this rain! Do you want me to grab you a cup of coffee and bring it to you

Transient Gentleman: I'd rather a blow job

Me: Well THATS not going to happen, but the cup of coffee offer still stands

TG: How about a cup of coffee and a blow job?

Me: How about just a cup of coffee

TG: You drive a hard bargain, get it? Hard.

Me: Ok, I'm going to go now

TG: Wait, what about my coffee?

Me: I'll go get it for you, be right back

TG: I will accept your cup of coffee, but trust me for the rest of your life you're going to regret not giving me that blow job

Me: I highly doubt that

TG: Then I guess we will have to agree to disagree.

Me. I guess we will.

Capitalism vs. Feminism: Is Marxist Feminism or Socialist Feminism the answer?

2009-04-19T00:03:00.016-05:00

I had an interesting conversation with some colleagues/friends last night. I asked a colleague what he thought fundamentally separates communism from socialism. There are some obvious differences, mainly economic, but there are also some not so obvious factors that differentiate the two. However the differences between communism and socialism are inconsequential to the conversation that took place.

I have identified as a socialist for most of my adult life. I think that education (including college), health care (including contraception and abortion services), basic food needs, childcare, utilities and public transportation should be subsidized or completely paid for by the government. I also think that all public school should have universal funding, meaning that every school gets THE SAME amount of money and all school meal programs should be free to EVERY student. I think that socialism helps combat racism, sexism, ageism and other discrimination within society. It equalizes society.

My colleague, Tom disagrees with me. He thinks that capitalism is the best form of economic structure because it preserves individual choice and freedom and rewards hard work. However, the problem with this is that Tom is an upper middle class white male with a PhD. It is easy for a white, educated male that comes from a middle class upbringing to believe that anyone can succeed in a capitalist society if they work hard. Yet the cold hard truth is that people of color, women and other minorities have been oppressed for so long in American culture that the playing field is neither level nor fair. Social Darwinism is a theory celebrated by people who have the luxury to do so. It is NOT survival of the fittest in a capitalist society, it is survival of the richest male. It is a well known fact that 90% of the wealth in America is held by a small percentage of the population, and most are white males.

My other colleague, Sheila, made one of the most insightful points I've heard in a long time. To give some context, Sheila is a single mother who is supporting herself and her son entirely on her own while working her way through college. Sheila made the comment that the only social group that has not improved economically in American society is single mothers. Sheila is absolutely correct, black, white or any other race (for lack of a better word), single mothers have consistently been discriminated against and have been unable make financial gain or obtain the same opportunities as other Americans.

Single mothers are, in my opinion, victims of capitalism. Capitalism is a system that functions on productivity and capital gain at the expense of the proletariat. In particular, single mothers are often forced to take wage labor jobs because they are unable to afford an education. Furthermore, these single mothers are left without health insurance, proper childcare options, safe housing options and support both socially and economically. Meanwhile they are paying into capitalism because they must purchase goods to fulfill needs and more often than not, are the production behind the gain benefiting that illusive 1%-10% of America. As a result, single mothers and their children are often trapped in poverty.

There is a myth in America that we are a meritocracy. In my opinion, the ideals of a meritocracy are the direct result of capitalism, claiming that anyone who works hard will reap the benefits of their labor and struggles. Yet, we know that children who are raised in homes with higher incomes are able to have the opportunities that allow them to make good grades, be involved in extracurricular activities and go to college. Poor children and children of single mothers statistically have lower standardized test scores, lower grades and are less likely to go to college. As a society, we want to blame the mother, saying that the mother did not do enough for the child academically or that the mother didn't care about the child's education. This is how the myth of the meritocracy further victimizes single mothers and their children. A single mother who is working multiple jobs just to survive is obviously unable to be as active in their child's education. Does this make them a bad parent? No. It means that the mother is doing what is necessary to survive. Never the less, in American society, single mothers are given erroneous labels, all of which insinuate that the single mother simply doesn't work hard enough.

So what is the alternative? If women are the victims of capitalism, then what system equalizes society no matter what. There are two options, Marxist Feminism and Socialist Feminism, that I find particularly fascinating. Fundamentally, these two feminist theories are more alike than they are different. Both theories are based on the belief that by eliminating capitalism, woman are liberated from oppression. By socializing the economy and creating an egalitarian society, the patriarchy becomes obsolete, allowing women the same opportunities as men. Furthermore, socializing property, education, child care and health care keeps women healthy, safe and empowers them. As a result, the children of single mothers are given an equal chance at opportunities and eventually creates a classless, non gender biased society.

Let me be clear, I am grossly over simplifying both Marxist and Socialist Feminism. Both are considered to be radical forms of feminism. If you want more information, I would highly recommend researching both. You may run into a theory called Materialist Feminism, which is arguably the same a Marxist Feminism. Honestly, I am still researching to try to figure out what separates the two. However, one thing I am clear on is that capitalism does inherently promote classism, sexism, racism and is a system based on discrimination and run by the patriarchy. Going back to Tom's point, is the fact that capitalism allows for choice enough to make it the most viable economic structure for America, especially when those "choices" are logistically only available to a select few? In my opinion, the answer is, NO. However, on the flip side, is Marxist Feminism going to far? What about Socialist Feminism? I must admit that I lean towards Socialist Feminist thought because I think it allows more room for individual freedoms. That being said, I also believe that Marxist Feminism is a theory that MOST LIKELY creates true equality for women. Here's another question, does Marxist thought automatically limit individual freedoms or can Marxism coincide with personal liberties? I don't know. I would like to believe that with the right structuring it is possible to be a Marxist society while retaining individual rights, but there is no way of telling without trying to implement a system. I can say, without a doubt, that America is not ready for a restructuring of that magnitude, but we desperately need to change and sometimes the most radical changes are the most beneficial ones.

Finally...

2009-04-18T19:41:00.003-05:00

I came out to my family today. One month before my 30th birthday, I just had the overwhelming sense that it was time, no matter the consequences. Their respone: "Yeah, we know." Amazing. I never should have underestimated them.

This makes the day even better:

2009-04-17T22:40:00.001-05:00

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

The Colbert Coalition's Anti-Gay Marriage Ad

colbertnation.com

Colbert Report Full Episodes

Political Humor

NASA Name Contest

Confession....

2009-04-16T17:54:00.004-05:00

You can always tell where you stand with me based on how much effort I put into and how long it takes me to make you a mixed CD.

Teabagging and NOM

2009-04-15T15:55:00.003-05:00

Fucking Conservative Republicans!!!! They stole the word "nom" earlier this week, and now they have to go and take a perfectly respectable practice such as teabagging and turn it into Republican propaganda. Thank you Rachel Maddow for putting it so eloquently:

P.S. Is it just me or is Ana Marie Cox pretty to look at?

Haircut

2009-04-14T18:50:00.003-05:00

I want to get my hair straightened and cut like this this weekend. However I am slightly afraid that this is one of those occasions in which I think it is a great haircut, when really I'll look like someone took the hair vaccume to my head. PLEASE let me know what you think! :)

Beyond Disturbing

2009-04-13T19:47:00.006-05:00

This was in the news today:

A man in Russia had severe chest pain and was coughing up blood. Doctor's believed he had a cancerous tumor and decided to perform surgery. However, during surgery, the surgeons did not find a tumor. They found a tree. A fucking tree was GROWING inside the man's lung. Doctors speculate that the man inhaled a tree bud and the bud began to grow in the lung (which, by the way, is the perfect place to grow a plant, besides the fact that it will kill you). Don't believe that this is true?

Manufactured Smiles

2009-04-13T18:26:00.007-05:00

Life would be much easier if smiles were manufactured, from the conveyor belt, to perfectly packed on a store shelf to you, a grin for the days or moments when you just can't muster one yourself. Unfortunately, smiles don't come off of an assembly line, so one must create their own smiles. It sounds simple. Unlike pottery, or quilting, the making of smile should come naturally to everyone. Yet for anyone that has had to create a smile, they learn quite quickly that a self manufactured smile can be the hardest of endeavours.

First you must practice the the upturn of the mouth. Your muscles should be used to this motion, however, muscles are stubborn and often times forget how to do their job. So you practice in front of the mirror trying not to look too surprised or show too many teeth, or show too little teeth or look constipated. This process can take hours. Finally, after lots of practice and failures you will be able to create the supreme fake smile that accents all of your good features and and hides all of your flaws.

Now comes the hard part. The eyes. The self manufactured smile can be ruined if the eyes give away that the smile is fake. The eyes are far more stubborn than your muscles are. It is true, the eyes are the window to your soul, and you can't change your soul. You therefore have to trick your eyes into closing the window and hiding your soul. There are no instructions on how to do this. Everyone has a different method. I have found that best way to hide your soul is to make yourself believe the lie you are telling your soul, that way closing the windows is no longer necessary.

This all seems hard, and I would be lying to you if I said it was easier than it seems. Smiling when you're not meant to is beyond hard, but we all must do it sometime. One of the greatest gifts we can give one another is when we know someone's smile is forced and fake, do them a favor, let them believe they are fooling you and maybe they will return the favor when you need it.

Jesus was a Zombie (for Henske and Malorin)

2009-04-12T22:18:00.003-05:00

According to a friend of mine, when the dead become living again we call them zombies and most of people refuse to accept the existence of zombies but do accept the existence of Jesus. After a great amount of contemplation today, I think that my friend may have a point. Jesus WAS a zombie. Mary Magdalene was never heard from again after Jesus was resurrected. Want to know why? Because Jesus ate her face off. Lets be honest, The Last Supper was an easy to follow guide on how to be a zombie "eat my body and blood?" Who eats bodies and blood??? ZOMBIES, that's who.

When the Second Coming happens, the little baby Jesus will be born in the form of a zombie after he eats his way out of the womb of a 13 year old virgin whose boyfriend is a mechanic. The new baby Jesus will eat his mother and stepfather and then spread zombie-ism throughout the world. For those of us who were raised Christian, the transition from human to zombie will be relatively easy because we have been practicing eating bodies and blood through communion. It is going to be a bit difficult for the non-Christians since they have no practice in cannibalism, but they soon will become believers when their face if being eaten of by a follower of Christ.

Remember, Jesus died for your sins so that he could eat the marrow from our bones and create and Earth full of zombies. All you have to do is accept him into your heart. He eats us because he loves us.

Sex and The City (the movie)

2009-04-12T01:26:00.007-05:00

I decided to have a hermit night tonight because I over did it a little on Friday night. Why the hell I thought it would be a good idea to watch the Sex and the City movie is beyond me, it has been out for over a year and I avoided it all this time, it wouldn't have made a difference if I skipped the channel and watched something else. But alas, I sat through 2.5 hours of pure unadulterated WTF?!?! I should have known that the movie was going to be a complete pile of dung when the opening line of the movie was "every year hundreds of women come to Manhattan in search of labels and love."

Let me just begin by saying that there is entirely too much squealing by women in this movie. I do not squeal, nor do any of the women I know squeal. Women do not shriek every time they see each other. Women do not squeal every time they see a bottle of wine, a pair of shoes, get a phone call, get food, or get an email.

Secondly, every single one of the women in Sex and The City only have one aspiration in life: to get a man and keep a man. Now I know that this is typical for movies that revolve around a group of women. However Sex and The City takes it to a whole new level. An hour of the movie is literally dedicated to the question "will Mr. Big leave Carrie at the altar?" The answer is yes, duh, you dumb mother fuckers! The show was on for, what, ten years and you didn't see this coming?!?!

After Mr. Big leaves Carrie at the alter, not only does Carrie assault Big with her bouquet, but her friends cry hysterically. Stop your fucking crying and get a life! Why would anyone waste their time crying over a man who doesn't show up to his own wedding? Flip him the bird, buy a bottle of vodka and go find someone to have casual sex with. MOVE ON. But, of course, Carrie doesn't move on, and neither do her friends. They spend close to a year "getting over" Big leaving Carrie. A year!

Now for Miranda. Miranda's husband, Steve cheats on Miranda with another woman. I am not even going to waste my time talking about Miranda's ridiculous half assed attempt at being an independent woman. However, I will share with you a few of the gems of wisdom that Miranda spouts off throughout the movie.

1. "Moms get involved in their kids' schools because they are out of work and bored."

2. "The only Halloween costumes that women can wear are either a witch or a naughty kitten."

3. "The only reason a woman has a family is so that she won't be alone on New Years Eve."

There are many more that I don't care to remember.

On to Samantha, who after losing the attention of her boyfriend, takes up eating and gets fat and spends all of her time with her dog that she treat like a child. Enough said.

The two final blows after a complete bruising of positive female images is that Miranda goes back to her cheating husband after SHE apologizes for working and not giving him enough attention and Carrie goes back (and marries) Mr. Big after SHE apologizes for having put him through so much.

The worst part of it all is that almost every woman I know rushed to the movie theater to go see this movie when it came out. Why? Is this really what we aspire to be, a bunch of squealing, settling, self deprecating women who only want men and clothes? If that is what you think of yourself and you're a woman, PLEASE go take a Women's Studies class.

Fuck, I should have just watched old cartoons on Boomerang.

side note: What the hell happened to me? I used to be able to just mindlessly watch movies without a thought about its social commentary. I don't know what caused this, but it TOTALLY reduces my movie choices. Maybe its like a cold and will go away in a couple weeks and I can go back to watching "chick flicks" without having a coronary.

Job Interviews (be sure to click all of the links)

2009-04-10T08:39:00.009-05:00

I have been going to a lot of job interviews lately so that I can be gainfully employed and avoid becoming a bum , and I don't mean this kind of bum either. I am talking about living in a cardboard box, eating trash, and collecting cans to buy booze. I had a friend once that WANTED to be homeless. She thought that it was the way to "stick it to The Man" and The Establishment. She was also crazy.

There are some stock questions that any interviewee can expect to be asked in an interview. I have been asked the all the past two months. The following is a compilation of the questions I have been asked, the answers I gave in the interview and the real answer I wanted to give.

1. Where do you see yourself in five year?

My interview answer: " I see myself continuing with the company, growing professionally and finishing my PhD."

My real answer: "In five years I see myself here."

2. What is something that you need to improve on professionally?

My interview answer: "I tend to focus too much on work and responsibilities and end up missing out on quality interactions with my coworkers."

My real answer: "I smile and nod when people talk to me to appear that I am listening to them when I am really thinking about this instead."

3. Do you like to work alone or with other people?

My interview answer: "I am extremely versatile. I can work efficiently alone, however I can work well in a group as well."

My real answer: "I prefer to work with these people."

4. What do you think you can bring to (insert workplace name here)?

My interview answer: "A strong sense of ethics, technological knowledge and dedication."

My real answer: "I can fill your affirmative action quota"

5. How do you want your coworkers to view you?

My interview answer: "A professional that is easy to communicate with and who is dedicated to her job."

My real answer: "I want my coworkers to view me like this."

Anyway, I hope this will help any of you who are looking for a job in this tough economy. Good Luck!

Top Ten things that I wish were real, but aren't

2009-04-09T20:19:00.022-05:00

10. The "Jesus talking to dinosaurs in the Garden of Eden" theory

9. Magic

8. Flying Cars

7. Big Foot

6. Orko

5. Pee Wee's Playhouse

4. Super Grover

3. ALF

2. Robots that clean my house and cook for me

1. Equal Rights for Women

Confession....

2009-04-09T20:05:00.001-05:00

I LOVE Hello Kitty. Feel free to chastise.

I'm a Bro

2009-04-08T19:07:00.002-05:00

Confession....

2009-04-07T21:08:00.000-05:00

I run from oppurtunities.

Proud to be from Iowa!

2009-04-03T16:03:00.003-05:00

This makes me burst with happiness. After years of being made fun of for being from Iowa, I can now say that I am not only proud of being from Iowa, but privileged to be a native of the first state in the Midwest to allow gay couples to marry. When I find the woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with, I can get married LEGALLY in my home state where my family and friends are. My dream wedding (yes, I admit I do have a dream wedding) is outside, on the lake, in the rain in Okoboji, Iowa and I can actually have that now. It is like having five birthday parties in one day, all of which were surprises. Now all I have to do is find a wife...crap.

Conflicting/Contradicting

2009-04-02T00:11:00.003-05:00

I started a Gay/Straight Alliance at the high school I teach this week for my LGBTQ students that desperately needed support and guidance. I am ashamed to say that I am DEATHLY afraid that one of the student will ask me if I am gay and that it makes me uncomfortable that they are all assuming that I am a lesbian. I am a hypocrite. I am helping my students come to terms with who they are, and I'm not willing to admit who I am. I would like to say that when one of my students ask me if I'm gay that I will be honest and say yes. However, the blatant truth is, I will never answer the question.

Day Four...you get the picture

2009-04-01T22:51:00.000-05:00

Day Three....yep, still lame.

2009-03-31T21:12:00.003-05:00

HOLY SHIT!!!! I can haz Mario Rubik's Cube?

Day Two of Week of Lameness...TOP THAT!

2009-03-30T21:03:00.000-05:00

No really, top this.

First Annual Week of Lameness

2009-03-29T19:03:00.009-05:00

OK Musing Followers (all 3 of you),
I am going to be on an internetz hiatus this week because I have two shows opening next weekend and will be doing tech and other things until very late in the evening. Therefor, Mostly True Musing will have it's first annual Week of Lameness. The Week of Lameness will feature lame blog posts, each worse than the one before. Lets just see how awful it can get.
So today is day one of the Week of Lameness, and to start off with a bang of lame I am giving you a gallery of pictures that will make you WTF for days. Enjoy!

And for the Gold:

Jeebus!

2009-03-28T08:09:00.002-05:00

This was found by someone on a church's website and was drawn by one of their young parishioners. That is all.

By the way...

2009-03-26T17:36:00.006-05:00

This movie, cereal for dinner, coffee and a couple of menthol cigarettes would make for the ideal evening.